Dag-nag Goes to Dappers

The Nargops

After visiting the beautiful Thelethy Forest, the Borgokog Sluk-Sluk lamented the bleakness of his own domain, Tuubuut. For while Thelethy was filled with trees and grass and mystic beauty, Tuubuut had only rocks and dirt and violent hatred. Here were tribes of natha who warred against each other, each claiming to hold Sluk-Sluk’s favor; but Sluk-Sluk in fact favored none of them. He resented their violent ways. He watched them kill each other from his home atop his sacred rock pillar, peering down from the only trees in Tuubuut, which he had stolen from Thelethy.

So Sluk-Sluk decided that if he could not make his domain beautiful, he would instead make it profoundly terrible. He ate from the dirt of the land and the rocks of the mountains until he could hold no more, and then he released such a discharge that for many days a geological cacophony resounded throughout the land. And then he formed this expulsion into a creature with four hulking legs supporting its monstrous head, from which dangled two mighty arms. He called it the Nargops, and Sluk-Sluk hoped the terror it wrought would unite his natha against it.

Now at this time many Tuubuutites lived in houses of mud and stone. They called themselves the Land-Slayers, and believed that shaping the land into habitable dwellings endeared them to their ruler Sluk-Sluk, who had shaped the Desolation into his domain. And for this reason they believed Sluk-Sluk favored them above all other Tuubuutites. 

But the monstrous Nargops cared nothing for their accomplishments. It crushed their houses, and threw them about the land, and killed many natha.

In that destruction the warrior Flenken-gad awoke to his home crashing down around him. But he crawled from its rubble, and saw the four towering legs of the Nargops trampling his neighbors. And Flenken-gad was filled with vengeful fury for his fallen kin, and reflexively drew his blade; but he saw that no natha could defeat this monster with strength alone. 

So though it hurt his warrior heart, Flenken-gad chose instead to save what kin he could. Then Flenken-gad whistled for his steed, and from the dirt emerged his six-legged krikisi, whose name was Kasterden, and Flenken-gad mounted it and rode through the village assembling a battalion of survivors, and they escaped on chariots and carts drawn by their krikisis. But those who did not fit on the chariots and carts were killed by the Nargops.

So Flenken-gad led his battalion over many miles of desert waste, and drove the krikisis so harshly that three died. But at last he reached the village Bestholde, which was also built of mud and stone. And Flenken-gad said to them, “Hark! A terrible monster has razed our home, and follows now to destroy yours as well. You may well doubt my honor, for I fled in cowardice from the monster. But see the grief in my comrades’ faces and know that I speak truth.“

A warrior of Bestholde approached Flenken-gad and said, “I greet you well, fellow Land-Slayer, and offer condolences for your ruined home. I am Dag-nag. I see from your pelts that you are a mighty warrior who fears neither the fangs of the regglezoth, nor the arrows of the Ridge-Riders. So do not hang your head in shame for your flight. Rather look upon the noble faces of the natha you saved from death, and let your heart swell with righteous pride. As for your slain kin, we shall avenge them forthwith. I have brave warriors at my command. We shall construct a decoy village in the monster’s path, and then attack both flanks while it is occupied therewith.” Then Flenken-gad hugged Dag-nag, and both were glad of the other’s heroic company.

And so a false village was quickly assembled in the monster’s path, and Dag-nag and Flenken-gad laid many foundational stones while singing their respective village songs to each other. Then they heard the thunderous approach of the Nargops, and Flenken-gad hid his soldiers behind a great rocky outcrop, and Dag-nag hid their soldiers behind the sand dune opposite. 

And the Nargops crushed the decoy village in between with terrible glee, and the natha of Bestholde were afraid, for they had never seen such a large and powerful creature. 

Then Flenken-gad rode his chariot over the rocky outcrop, and hurled three spears into the Nargops’s leg. Then he took a fourth spear in his hand, and leapt from the chariot onto the Nargops, and drove the spear into its thigh. And Flenken-gad also stuck his daggers into the beast’s leg, and with these daggers he climbed to where its leg met its chin. And there hung the Nargops’s monstrous tongue, wet and foul, and Flenken-gad stabbed that tongue with fury for his slain kin. And Flenken-gad was still stabbing when the Nargops swallowed him whole. So that great leader met his end in the noxious pit of its foot.

Meanwhile, Dag-nag leapt atop their krikisi steed Borwix, which had seen the battles of Lerthox and Veng, and which had carried their unconscious body from the massacre at Trith. Dag-nag raised their sword and steered Borwix to the Nargops’s leg, and the krikisi leapt from the sand dune to the Nargops and climbed up that terrible trunk, and Dag-nag dealt many strong blows to the Nargops. But the Nargops with its arm cast Borwix off, and steed and rider crashed to the ground, and Borwix died with Dag-nag atop its broken body. So Dag-nag mourned the loss of that great steed.

And many more natha fell to the Nargops before the survivors retreated to Bestholde, where they warned their kin. Then they fled to the mountains to escape the Nargops’s path of destruction.

But in the mountains they met with the fur-clad Ridge-Riders, who surrounded them from the crags above, and threatened them with arrows. So Dag-nag cried out to the mountain folk, “You are all in danger of destruction, for a colossus chases us. It leaves nothing but crushed homes and bodies in its wake; two great clans have fallen to its four monstrous feet today. If you fight alongside us, we might have a chance to survive.”

But the Ridge-Riders thought this was a trick, and they demanded the Land-Slayers’ weapons, and those who refused were slain by the mountain folks’ arrows. Then the survivors were led into a cage. 

“You see how Sluk-Sluk has wreaked devastation upon the lowland dwellers,” said the mountain-general. “These abominations defaced Sluk-Sluk’s land with their blasphemous hovels, and now suffer a righteous retribution. Glory to us who live high in the mountains, after our ruler Sluk-Sluk’s example.” Then the Ridge-Riders beat their war drums, and chanted in their howling way, and they danced to show their superiority over their captives. And their music echoed off all the peaks. 

Dag-nag glared at their stomping feet and waving arms, and spat upon a dancer who came too close. “All dancers are cowards!” shouted Dag-nag. “You dance because you know you cannot defeat us in battle. There is no reason to dance if you can fight.” But they kept dancing, and Dag-nag was disgusted.

Now you will not be surprised that the Nargops heard this ceremony, and soon laid waste to those cliffs. And many natha were crushed beneath the crumbling mountains. But Dag-nag escaped when a boulder destroyed the cage, and they fled deeper into the mountains.

There they found a cave, and hid in its mouth, and hoped that the Nargops would leave the mountains after slaying the Ridge-Riders. But as they sat in the darkness the sounds of destruction only grew louder, until they knew the Nargops was approaching. And then the cave entrance collapsed beneath the monster’s feet, and the darkness became complete.

So Dag-nag delved deeper into the caves beneath Tuubuut, feeling their way with their hand along the rock walls, and at length they saw a flicker in the tunnels ahead, and heard the voices of natha. And they knew these were the Cave-Rippers, enemies to Dag-nag of the Land-Slayers. And Dag-nag had had their fill of enemy natha that day. So they took a different path in utter darkness until they came upon the isolated cavern home of Murg-zokken, the wise. And Murg-zokken said, “Who intrudes upon my play-room?” 

“I am Dag-nag,” said Dag-nag. “Who are you, and where am I?”

“I am Murg-zokken,” said Murg-zokken. “And you are in unfriendly territory, bold Dag-nag.”

“All territory is unfriendly to all natha,” said Dag-nag, “on account of the beast which ravages it.”

“The Nargops is a creature worthy of destruction, for it has killed many, and will kill many more if it is not slain,” said Murg-zokken.

“How can it be destroyed?” asked Dag-nag.

“I will not share my wisdom with an unworthy audience,” said Murg-zokken.

“Unworthy? You speak to the warrior who wears the famed Toe-Ring of Dag-nag, formerly the Finger-Ring of Burl-doz, whom I slayed with my bare hands, and thereby ended a great evil. Do you want the ring? It is nothing to me, a trifle, less than the shadow of an act which warms my soul to this day. You may be wise, but you will never know the clarity which cleanses the mind after a courageous victory. There is no honor in riddles. You speak of deaths that were, and deaths that will be, but what deaths have you seen? And what deaths have you devised through the strength of your body? If you hold the wisdom to save your people from the Nargops, but withhold it to appease your vanity, you are the most ignoble and cowardly creature alive, and I shall shortly take the life you unworthily possess.”

“Calm yourself,” said Murg-zokken. “I withhold nothing, provided you brush my hair for an hour each day for a week.” And Dag-nag was angry, but did not kill Murg-zokken then, as he deserved. For Murg-zokken had been blinded in the Duels, and was therefore an unworthy opponent to Dag-nag, even though in these lightless caves Dag-nag was also blind. And Dag-nag did brush Murg-zokken’s hair for an hour each day for a week, and all the while Murg-zokken moaned contentedly, for this was the most pleasure he had experienced since his stay at the krikisi steeblesi, of which should be said more wonderful things than mortal language can express, and of which I shall therefore say nothing. And Murg-zokken had such an acute sense of time that if Dag-nag was one second short, he howled so horribly you would hate to hear it. But if Dag-nag went long Murg-zokken did not complain. And after a week Dag-nag said, “I have brushed your horrid hair and endured your vile vocalizations as agreed. Now tell me how the Nargops may be destroyed.”

“It is a creature,” said Murg-zokken, “with fears and desires. Discover these and you will discover its weakness.”

“I could have surmised that on my own,” said Dag-nag, and in their fury they threw Murg-zokken across the stony play-room, and Murg-zokken died there. But Dag-nag did think upon his words, and decided to study the Nargops to see how it might be destroyed.

By this time the Cave-Rippers had dug a new exit where the old one had collapsed, and through this Dag-nag left those caves and traveled back into the mountains. And they climbed a peak high enough to survey the land, and soon saw the Nargops destroying a great mound in the distance. It danced and giggled in its monstrous way when the mound crumbled, and then with the arms which hung from its head it scooped up the debris and formed it into another mound. And this it stomped upon until that mound too was destroyed, and again the Nargops hopped with glee. 

But when the Nargops had built a third mound, the Borgokog Sluk-Sluk appeared and said, “Enough of this noise!” And Sluk-Sluk destroyed the mound and left, and the Nargops wailed in dismay. And Dag-nag realized that the Nargops could not bear to see its work destroyed by anyone but itself. 

So Dag-nag called out to the Nargops, “Hark! An army approaches with plans to destroy your mounds.” At this the Nargops howled. 

“But I know their weakness,” said Dag-nag. At this the Nargops listened. 

“But I must whisper it in your ear,” said Dag-nag, “for I share their weakness, and will not shout it for all of Tuubuut to hear.” So the Nargops stomped over to the mountain where Dag-nag stood, and leaned in to hear their secret. 

“You must come closer,” said Dag-nag. And the Nargops did, and Dag-nag nearly recoiled at its smell. 

But they said, “Closer still,” and the Nargops placed its loathsome ear-hole next to Dag-nag. And Dag-nag thrust their sword into that hole so deeply that it pierced the brain, and the Nargops exploded in a shower of filth which rained down on Tuubuut for many days, and the stink was awful. 

But now Dag-nag was pleased, and they cried out, “People of Tuubuut, the Nargops is slain! Come out from your hiding and rejoice.” So the natha came out, and saw the spattered remains all across the domain, and felt the filth rain on their faces, and smelled the stench that dropped many of them into swoons. And they quickly returned to their hiding places.

Then there was much discussion over what to do. And most vocal in these discussions was the natha Kanky-dip, who said to her fellow Cave-Rippers, “Dag-nag must be exiled for ruining this domain.” 

“You are an idiot,” said her kin. “We may hate Dag-nag, but their loathsome Land-Slayer friends will always welcome them.”

“The Land-Slayers have suffered more than anyone on their account,” said Kanky-dip, “for their homes are now covered in filth, and there is nowhere for them to hide from the stench.” But Kanky-dip had no influence over her kin, for despite her years among them she had done nothing worthy of acclaim. And so she left the underground caves to speak with the Land-Slayers.

She found them roaming the wastes with dirt stuffed into their nostrils. And she said to them, “Land-Slayers, though we have fought in the past, we now share a common enemy in Dag-nag, who has ruined your land. We shall exile them from Tuubuut for their crime. And you will be welcome in our caves while your homes are restored.” And the Land-Slayers were so angry at Dag-nag that they forgot their hatred for the Cave-Rippers, and Dag-nag was exiled from Tuubuut. And Sluk-Sluk was glad to see his natha working together.    

Then Dag-nag wandered the Desolation outside Tuubuut for a long time. Some say they wandered eight days; others claim a full billion years elapsed. Which is true I cannot say. But the wretched specters of the Desolation did not attack Dag-nag, for the stench of the Nargops remained on them, and they deemed Dag-nag’s soul unworthy of the trouble. So the specters did not eat that soul. And Dag-nag did not eat anything, for there was nothing to eat in the Desolation. 

Dag-nag in Dappers

At last they came to the watery domain Dappers, and they were glad to finally wash the stench off their body. But a gilled guard approached them and said, “Halt! Who are you that trespasses in Shipty’s domain?” And Dag-nag could not respond, for Tuubuutites cannot speak in water. They could only make rude bubbling sounds, which so offended the guard that he drew his weapon against them. So Dag-nag slew that guard with a single slash. And Dag-nag was so hungry that they ate the carcass.

When a passing natha saw this, they turned from their exercise and reported the murder to the city, and a battalion was sent to the border, led by the general Leeloghe. And the soldiers’ armored scales glistened as they swam, and their girthy banners wriggled in the water, and your heart would have swelled to see that noble legion. And when they saw Dag-nag in a cloud of purple blood, with the fin of their fallen kin dangling from their mouth, the Dappersens attacked without preamble. And this enraged Dag-nag, for it is a horrid dishonor to attack unannounced. So Dag-nag thrust the half-eaten corpse into the advancing soldiers, and while they recoiled at their comrade’s carcass Dag-nag slew them mercilessly. Then the water was so murky with Dappersen blood that Leeloghe could not see the battle, and she called a retreat. 

When Leeloghe returned to her ruler Shipty, the Borgokog said, “How dare you return to me empty-handed? I ordered you to bring me the intruder’s head, yet all I see before me is a single natha, and barely that: you are missing a fin.”

And Leeloghe said, “The invader is mighty, and hacked off my fin, and a good many other fins as well. Today I have lost friends beyond measure. I will never cease mourning them as long as I live, which, small mercy, will not likely be long in the presence of this great warrior.”

“It shall be short indeed if you do not destroy the invader,” screamed Shipty. But then she regretted rebuking her greatest general, who had served her loyally for many years, and who had saved her very life at the Battle of Phomph. Now Shipty wept great blubbering tears and said, “Forgive me, Leeloghe. You have suffered nobly at my command while I cowered in safety. It is I who should be reprimanded by you. And now I doom my Dappersens to death by failing to defend my domain.”

“You fail no one,” said Leeloghe, “for we shall defeat this invader yet. And I beg you not to apologize to me again: you are a Borgokog, and I a mere natha. Now, we have seen that the Tuubuutite cannot be defeated by weapons, but we have no reason to believe they cannot be defeated by wits. I propose a stratagem: we shall lavish them with gifts and all the signs of surrender, and when they are thus occupied, a company shall emerge from the coral around them and take them prisoner. And we shall learn great things from their body.”

“This is a good plan. Enact it with haste,” said Shipty.

So Leeloghe did. The Dappersens lined up outside town to give Dag-nag gifts: paintings, sculptures, armor, tables, wardrobes, and other exquisitely wrought and exceptionally heavy things, until Dag-nag was so laden that they must put down their sword. They did not suspect trickery, for they were entitled to gifts after withstanding such an ignoble onslaught. 

And after they stuck their sword in the seabed, a group of gilled natha emerged from holes in the coral and bound Dag-nag’s arms and legs in seaweed. Never before had Dag-nag suffered such cowardly dishonor, and they howled with such rage that their captors trembled.

Then the Borgokog Shipty came to them and said, “Parade this wretch through the streets, so all may see them laid low. Then bring them to the amphitheatre stage, so all may witness and partake in their punishment.”

So Dag-nag was led through the streets accompanied by bells, and all the Dappersens swam to see them. And when they were brought to the amphitheatre stage the natha surrounded it and watched as they were bound to a column. 

“Look how your boldness has served you,” said Shipty. “You have caused me enormous pain, and I demand an explanation for my sorrows.” But of course Dag-nag could not speak in this wet domain, and now they could not even gesticulate, bound as they were, so they merely stared back at Shipty. Perhaps if they had looked upon her in fear they would have been safe; but a warrior as great as Dag-nag cannot show fear. So Shipty believed they were mocking her. “How dare you insult a Borgokog and the ruler of this domain! Since you will not explain yourself, I can only assume your intentions are purely malevolent, and I shall punish you accordingly by removing the sword-arm you so cruelly flaunted in battle. Leeloghe, which of their loathsome arms wielded the sword?”

“It was their right arm,” said Leeloghe.

“Feast, my natha, upon their right arm,” said Shipty. And all those natha descended upon Dag-nag and fed on the flesh that had felled their friends. Great was Dag-nag’s misery then; I do not know what they would have said had they been able to speak, but it would have been dreadful to hear. And when the blood floated away there was nothing but bones in Dag-nag’s once-mighty arm. 

Then Leeloghe took Dag-nag to a dungeon, and chained them to a wall, and left them there. And every day Leeloghe and Shipty visited Dag-nag in that dungeon to experiment on their heroic body. And many times they wished for release, but they were a mere natha, and the wishes of natha often go unheard.

But one day a new Dappersen entered that dungeon to give Dag-nag their meager meal for the week, for Leeloghe was presently training new recruits. And this Dappersen saw Dag-nag in their pain and misery and took pity on them. So she released them from their chains and said, “You must now slay me, for I will otherwise be executed and forever hated by my people.” 

So Dag-nag with their bone-hand wrote their reply on the sandy floor: “What is your name?” 

And the natha said, “I am called Elvyoghe.” 

Then Dag-nag ate the proffered meal in a single bite. And they wrote, “What is the noblest battle-injury a Dappersen can survive?” 

And Elvyoghe said, “A severed tail.” 

So Dag-nag with their hands ripped off Elvyoghe’s tail, and then escaped through Elvyoghe’s knowledge of hidden passages. But they would return many years later, and in the event the Dappersens would rue the day they attacked mighty Dag-nag.